Craving #1 - Damn You Girl Scouts! Damn You!!!

Okay - so it's not really my first craving.  But it's the first one I'm documenting here on this lovely little blog.  It's 9:10pm - the baby boy is asleep, the musician husband is downstairs working on what else, his music... and I have quiet time.  I have time. This is when craving enters. When the effing thin mints scream at me from across the room "GET IN MY BELLY!".  So powerful I can barely contain it. I can hardly hold myself back from eating that entire box. So... commitment to myself starting today. Late night cravings are getting the kibosh by way of blog. Anytime a non-hungry sugar monster craving wells up inside me I will write.  Write for 10 minutes.  Just get it out.  Sometimes it will be nonsense stream of consciousness bullshiz (let's be honest - most of the time...B.S.) but maybe sometimes I'll have a little open hearted chat with my blogger self, and I may gain some wisdom or some little snippet that may actually stick in my thick sugar laden head.  We shall see....

So - therapist says I should identify the craving - name it and physically try to feel where it is in my body. *Side note - therapist is a new person in my life - she has lost 205 lbs and kept it off for five years.  She specializes in emotional eating - particularly bariatric surgery patients of which I am one.*  So anyways - this craving I have...to just eat sugar sugar any kind of sugar.  Where are you?  Scanning body..and it's my jaw.  I feel that sugar craving in my jaw like no body's business.  Why the jaw?  Must be where I hold stress, definitely where I chew and get that first taste of satisfaction - that first rush after shooting up the sugar. Amazing.  It's a drug.

Don't mind me...I'm just entering into this new journey.  Trying this new thing of actually being in touch with my body, because for the past 18 years - I've ignored her.  I have disassociated her from life, and she has sat along the side lines while my inner 18 year old just eats eats eats whatever she wants because she can. Because it makes her feel free.  Meanwhile.... I'm now 36 and a big girl with high blood pressure, high cholesterol and on the verge of Type 2 diabetes.  Awesome.  Time to kick some ass.