Where do I start? It's been two weeks since my last post. In classic Robin fashion, I started something then it lost it's luster and I just stopped and escaped into my world of ignorant bliss once again. During this two week hiatus a family wedding took place, which was wonderful. I was a bridesmaid. I have been dreading seeing the pictures, and today - I saw the first of them posted on facebook. Let's just say I untagged myself immediately because I just don't want to see it, and I don't want anyone else to either. I want people to only see my pictures from four years ago aka seventy pounds ago. I don't want another reminder of how much weight I have to lose. I don't want face the reality that I am actually a lot bigger than I feel and that I have a lot of work to do - to admit that my weight loss surgery didn't work. I went under the knife with anesthesia, had a doctor put a restrictive plastic band around my upper stomach - and I'm STILL FAT. STILL after all this time?! REALLY?
I don't mean for this blog to be a sob story and I'm sure it reads like a "poor me" diary entry, but really my intention is to just put this out there. To share how I am feeling and to possibly relate to other people who may feel the same way.
How do we pull out of this rut? What is it gonna take? Craptastic. This sucks.
Your blog is off to a great start! You've got such an authentic way of telling your story--I can't wait to read more.
ReplyDeleteHey, don't be so hard on yourself. I had three weight loss surgeries and I'm still fat. It's not a defect in our character. It's now our lack of will power. We need to make peace with food, make peace with our bodies and get our metabolisms cranking (good food and hard rest).
ReplyDeleteWhen we learn to look at pictures of ourselves with love and acceptance those supposed pounds that need to be lost turn into just space our bodies happen to take up.
I hope you can have that band taken out before it does any damage to your innards.
be good to yourself!!!
speak kindly to yourself!
Blogging can be very therapeutic. I hope you get something from it.
Thanks for sharing!
Thanks Lisa - I really appreciate your post. I am thinking about getting the band taken out but am struggling with the idea. I've had it now for 5 years, and my esophagus is dilated and I have heartburn everyday. I wonder, even if I completely followed the rules, if it could ever work again. I get heartburn even when I'm only on liquids. It's scary. But again - thank you for your comments!
ReplyDelete